Hi, this is Channa Borman with more straight talk and honest advice about family law here in the Brazos Valley. I get lots of questions when people come in and talk to me about their divorces, and one of those questions that I hear quite frequently is how do I tell the children that we are filing for divorce? In the video below, I discuss how you tell your children that you and your spouse have decided to file for divorce.
Watch the video: How to Tell Your Children You’re Filing for Divorce
1. Reassure your children.
When you decide how you will tell your children that you are getting divorced, it would be best to tell them together. The conversion should begin with reassuring the children that it’s not their fault and that they have no cause in why you and the other parent are splitting up. Children, by nature, are egocentric, meaning they think the whole world revolves around what happens to them. So they’re naturally going to blame themselves. They’re going to think Mommy and Daddy argued, and maybe if they hadn’t argued about me not picking up my toys, they wouldn’t be divorcing. So reassure them that it’s absolutely not their fault that the two of you are getting a divorce.
So, if that seems like common sense, then maybe this next one will seem like common sense too. However, really it’s not common. Most people don’t realize their kids feel it’s their fault when they’re experiencing pain.
2. Don’t give specifics.
Don’t talk about specifics with the kids. For example, don’t say to your children; your mom and dad are divorcing, and we’re divorcing because we don’t love one another anymore. Don’t specifically say any reason. It’s better to leave it very vague because the kids don’t need to know adult information.
3. Tell your children how much you love them.
So, if those two were common sense, this one’s even more so. So again, when you hear this, you may think, oh, Channa, we know this, but it bears repeating.
Tell them how much you both love your children. Both of you created these children, and both of you parent these children. They must know that while you and your spouse may not be together anymore, you are still together in loving them.
There’ll be days after they’re 18 when they graduate from college, get married, and have children. Both you and your ex-spouse will want to be at these important events. So we need to ensure that the relationship between you and your children is one that we don’t ruin during this divorce process.
Read this post; 7 Tips to Successful Co-Parenting in 2022
4. Your children will also experience your pain.
You must realize that the pain you’re experiencing, your kids are going to go through the same pain. That’s just the reality, So being upfront with them in terms of jointly telling them you’re going to file for divorce, not telling them any specifics about why you are getting a divorce, and reassuring them that you love them. These are all things that can make a critical difference.
But I know you’re hurting. I know this is difficult for you. It’s your first rodeo. However, it’s not mine. I’m here to help you. We can help you, and if you need someone in this divorce process, just give us a call.
Working with a trusted Texas Family Law Attorney
It is essential that you work with a Texas family law attorney who understands the difficulties of getting a divorce and what happens after you are divorced. Our Texas family law attorneys are here to answer all your questions and support you before, during, and after your divorce.